Don't Be Fooled By the Rocks That I've Got, I'm Just...Sick of Jennifer Lopez

I don’t follow the tabloids much, but some stories ooze through the boundaries between entertainment news and serious reporting, and the on-again, off-again relationship of Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck is really starting to wear on me.  I firmly support the marriage of two celebrities of their caliber, but I’m also determined to dig my heels in against the media frenzy which will surround the nuptials, as was the case with Jennifer Anniston and Brad Pitt, or Madonna and Sean Penn, or Madonna and Guy Ritchie.  The world was an uninvited (and unwilling) attendant at all these people’s weddings. 

I’m not a fan of Jennifer Lopez, or J-Lo as she dubbed herself about the time her then-beau Sean Combs changed his moniker to “P-Diddy.” (I can’t say that name with a straight face.  I just can’t.  How Kurt Loder keeps a straight face during interviews is a credit to his professionalism.)  J-Lo’s debut album was a noteworthy first effort, and I sang along in the car like everyone else that summer when “If You Had My Love” played on the radio.   

But I’ve had quite enough now, thanks.  The clothing line, the perfume, the restaurant, at least 2 albums that sound identical, the whole Grammy dress thing, and endless gabbery about the size and roundness of her butt.  You want to see full, firm and round?  C’mere.  I got your booty right here. 

But I digress. 

I’ve had enough of the media’s idolatry of Miss Lopez.  She says she’s just a girl from the Bronx, a normal person with an urban background like most of her fans. 

All together now: Riiiiiight. 

She’s released 3 songs that plead with the listener to believe that she’s a regular person, just like You and Me: “My Love Don’t Cost a Thing,” “I’m Real,” and “Jenny From the Block.”  The last one irks me no end, not only because of its lyrical content but the video pays homage to her love affair with Ben Affleck.  The song is a peppy lament that she’s a normal person thrust into a life that is anything but (ah, the price of fame.)  The life of a pop star is not one that involves laundry and grocery store runs at 2 AM because you’ve run out of cat food and there’s no way in HELL little Fluffy is going to let you sleep until he’s had his Tender Vittles.  The video, however, consists of Miss Lopez cavorting in a fur coat and a miniscule thong, prancing for well-behaved paparazzi snapping photos of her during “intimate moments.”  Mostly, it’s about Miss Lopez wearing as little as possible while frolicking with Ben Affleck, enjoying luxuries pop stardom brings while stating she’s just the girl from her old neighborhood. 

Once more, with feeling: Riiiiight. 

Don’t get me started on how her attitude of “I’m Just like you” contributes to negative female body image.  Her fans never see the hours of workouts, the dieting, and the work it takes to create to media image.  All this is done behind the curtain, and she pops out looking radiant declaring, “I’m real!” and 13-year-olds everywhere go “Gack.”  Sure, we could all look like her if we followed the same regimen and had countless photographers snapping pictures for online gawkers ready to comment on the size and shape of her EVERYTHING.  Some critics argue that she’s more natural looking since she has a round derriere and no breast augmentation, but let’s face it: the woman is a size 4, size 8 tops.  I’ve never met a size 8 woman who wasn’t terrific looking.

Miss Lopez’s fans comment frequently that she’s friendly and approachable, and hometown-girl-done-good type whose talent, beauty and hard work have paid off.  I don’t dispute that.  She worked hard as a dancer, gave a breakthrough performance as the late Selena Quintanilla-Perez in “Selena,” and her first album paved the way for many Latina female acts to follow.  But her life now is very different from the one she used to have and the lives her fans lead without hope of getting out.  Her Eva Peron-esque “I’m one of you” attitude is refreshing in the midst of more overtly manufactured acts like Britney Spears and Avril Lavigne.  But her life is no more like mine than a Formula One race car is like the Saturn L200 sitting in my driveway. 

It could be I’m too hard on her.  Miss Lopez has gone through a lot over the last year, both professionally and personally.  She hasn’t changed and her background may keep her well-grounded, but her life is not like those of her fans and it would be nice if she’d stop trying to convince us otherwise in her music.  Or at least wear a little more when she does it.

6-Nov-2002