How To Join A Coven, part 1

At some point, most witches consider joining a coven. You’ve read all the Wicca 101 books, you’ve practiced alone your whole life, and you’re looking for something…more. Joining a coven seems like the natural next step, but joining a coven is no small thing and the process should be undertaken with the seriousness and careful planning it deserves.

There are two things to keep in mind when searching for a coven:

1) The goal is to find the right fit between an individual and a group.

2) Use common sense to keep yourself safe while you search.

Got that? Okay. Let’s get down to the business of finding a group.

Step 1: Do you have time for this?

Before you do anything else, look at your day planner. Go ahead, I’ll wait...

How does your schedule look? Is there much free time, or do you spend most of your days shuttling between work, school, the kids, family obligations, significant other, and personal stuff? Coven life takes up a HUGE amount of time. Overextended people need not apply.

Step 2: What are your needs?

Sharpen your pencils and grab some paper. Write down everything you hope to get out of coven membership. Prioritize by: 1) the things you must have, and 2) the things you’d like to have but could probably live without.

Different people have different priorities. One of my must-haves is an events calendar set at least 3 months in advance. My job revolves around dates and appointments, and the only way to make my calendar is if I know an event is coming way in advance. Some people need flexible scheduling, or a child-friendly group, or they want to study or practice a particular tradition. If you want it, write it down.

Now that you’ve got your list, ask yourself:

Do I need to belong to a coven to meet these needs?

The simple fact is a coven is a big commitment of time, money, resources, and did I mention time? Other organizations can provide the social aspects many people are looking for with less of a commitment on the other fronts.

Alternatives to covens are:

	Public groups and circles
	CUUPs (Covenant of Unitarian Universalist Pagans, found at many UU Fellowships)
	Pagan Night Out
	Pagan Pride Day
	Discussion groups and study groups

There are positives to working alone: flexibility; doing things your way; and studying topics you are interested in. Celebrating or studying with friends is a way to get the socialization you need without becoming part of a formal coven.

If you decide that coven life is your pursuit, go to Step 2.

Step 2: Research

The Information Age is a beautiful thing. There are a lot of places to look for groups, many of them online.

	Go on www.Witchvox.net and look for local groups.
	Visit local new-age or pagan bookstores and ask about local groups. Some groups advertise through health food stores, too.
	Ask people who practice in a way you like where they practice and with whom.
	Attend public networking events like Pagan Night Out or Pagan Pride Day.
	Attend CUUPs meetings and network with attendees. They may know of groups or have postings about covens.
	Look for notices of open circles, metaphysical bookstores, alternative newspapers, pagan publications (online and print), and health food stores.
	Avoid writing publishers or authors for info on local groups. They often don’t know, and if they do they might not be able to tell you due to group secrecy.
	Don’t take a lack of forthcoming information personally. Some groups are intentionally secretive and their policies are not to divulge too much info too soon.

Before You Contact Any Group

Far, far too many people have found my coven listed on Witchvox.net and immediately emailed us saying, “I’m interested in joining your coven. When can we meet?”

Excuse me a moment.

*beats head repeatedly on desk*

Don’t do that. Ever. Before contacting any group, DO YOUR HOMEWORK.

Make a list of all the groups you’re interested in. Write down the basic information.

	Email contact
	Website
	Contact name(s)
	Phone (if available)
	Tradition
	When they practice
	Location (City, state)

Read the websites for the groups you’re interested in. Take notes. Look for answers to the important questions below. If the coven doesn’t meet your needs, you’ll know before wasting time contacting them.

Ask first:

	Is the coven looking for new members?
	Do you meet the age requirements? (Some groups do not accept anyone under 18 or 21, and some groups look for specific ages to maintain balance in the group.)
	What is the membership application process?

As you answer the questions below, ask yourself: How many of the criteria you set in Step 1 are met by this group? Which ones are not, and can you live without those factors?

	What is the purpose of the coven?
	Tradition
	Experience and training of members
	Bylaws or coven compacts. Some groups have them, some don’t. Personally, I prefer groups that have them because they have set policies on handling certain situations.
	Driving distance. LOOK AT A MAP. Their city may be way far from where you live. If you want to study with a particular tradition, commutes may be involved. (I once had a guy in Pennsylvania apply to my group. Once we politely informed him of where we were located, he never wrote back.)
	How long have they been around? FYI, five years is the average coven lifespan.
	Is the group kid friendly? This one is important to ask even if you don’t have kids. If you don’t want to practice with kids around, this is a question to ask.
	Gender/sexuality preference. This gives you an idea of the mindset of the people within the coven and whether that is compatible with your own ideas.
	Attendance requirements and timing of events (if available). If everything is during the week and you are working 12-hour days, you may wish to choose a weekender coven.
	Service requirements
	Skyclad or robed
	Tools & equipment you’ll be expected to use and have
	Alcohol, drug or tobacco use? Be specific about your concerns or lack thereof.
	Education or degree programs offered.
	How do they handle people with degrees from other covens? Are you required to have a certain basic knowledge before attending classes, rituals or group functions? Some groups require a basic circle etiquette workshop before you can attend a group function or ritual.
	Sex practices, such as the Great Rite or polyamory.
	How to leave the group (leave of absence or quitting). This one gets left off a lot of lists, but is very important. We never want to think we might get in a position where we can’t participate in a coven, but sometimes it happens and it’s important that you know up-front how a coven will handle it.

Once you complete the initial research, then you get to the fun part of…

Step 3: Making Contact

Depending on the detail of the website, you may have answered a lot of the questions above. This probably weeded out some of the covens you were initially interested in. Good—that’s supposed to happen. Now you’ve narrowed your list down to two or three groups that will most likely meet the needs you listed as important to you at the beginning of this process.

Now it’s time to start the formal application process. Covens have different application methods:

	Some are direct inquiry, meaning you can contact them directly
	Some are by invitation only
	Some require that a member know you before they’ll extend an invitation

This is why it’s important not to ask, “When can we meet,” but rather, “What is your application process?”

Contacting a Group: Do’s and Don’ts

	When writing email, two words: SPELL CHECK.
	DO ask about their membership application process.
	DO find out as much as possible about a group before contacting them.
	DO mention you’ve read their website. Comment on points that interest or appeal to you. Mention a few questions you have. This gets the conversation going.
	DO have answers to FAQs prepared.
	DO ask about frequency of meetings (if not mentioned on website).
	DO ask which side of town they meet on (especially if they are in larger cities).
	DO ask any questions on your list that weren’t answered on the website.
	DO talk about yourself and why you want to join! Be SPECIFIC.
	DO talk about what you’re hoping to get out of working with the group.
	DO inform them of what you hope to offer the coven.
	DO NOT ask for a meeting in your first contact to the group unless you know that is how their application process works.
	DO NOT give general answers to questions. Have detailed answers prepared for questions like, “Why do you want to join our coven?”
	DO NOT ask specific questions about the coven stead locations. Some covens are secret and do not offer that information to inquirers.
	DO NOT act like the coven has to “sell” themselves to you. Covens don’t usually have to chase down members. The goal is to find a good fit between a group and an individual.
	DO NOT meet in a person’s home or ritual site for the first meeting.
	DO NOT give out personal information you can’t easily change, such as your home address or work phone number.

Meeting

At some point you may meet these people in person. Safety precautions should be taken to ensure that everyone comes out of this unscathed.

Meet in a public place, especially for the first meeting. Avoid having a ritual be the first time you meet your potential coven-mates. This is not only for safety but also for energy reasons – you don’t know how being in circle with them will affect you and vice versa. Coffee shops, mall food courts, restaurants, bookstores are great meeting places.

	Get physical descriptions of people you’re meeting and the number of people you’re meeting.
	Get a cell phone number from someone you’re meeting in case of car trouble or emergency. You never know what might happen. One of my covenmates got a flat tire on the interstate on the way to meeting us for the first time. She hitchhiked to get to the meeting because she didn't have a way to contact us.
	Tell your spouse, significant other, parent, roommate, or SOMEONE where you are going and when you will be back. Have a cell phone in case of trouble.

REMEMBER, you are going to meet complete strangers. Yes, you’ve talked over email and you may know one or two of the members personally, but these are not people you know well and you need to protect yourself. Don’t go to a stranger’s home or ritual site. Being in the middle of nowhere with people you don’t know well is NOT SMART. Cell phones don’t work everywhere and some ritual sites are in the middle of no-freaking-where.

Top 5 Questions You Will Be Asked By A Coven:

1) Why do you want to join our coven?

Read this as: Why do you want to join OUR coven, versus another group. Give specifics about this coven that appeal to you,

2) How did you come into Paganism/Wicca/Witchcraft?

Have a brief answer prepared for this. They don't need to know every single detail of your life, but the Cliffs Notes version of how you found paganism would be useful.

3) How do you define your religious path/spirituality?

This will let them know how your path and philosophy meshes with theirs. It also shows what you know about other paths. If you follow a pantheon, say so. If you don’t follow the Rede, say so. This is a question that will help you discover if you and the group’s beliefs jive.

4) What do you want out of the coven?

5) What are your strengths/weaknesses?

This doesn’t just have to be about personality; it can also be about skills or education, things in which you excel or lack that you want to work on. This reveals how well you will play with others.

Step 4: Accept or Reject

You need to feel good about the idea of going into ritual, raising energy, invocating, evocating, and performing deeply spiritual, personal, emotional things with them. It’s like love—hard to define, but you know when it’s right.

If you and the group click, be sure to contact them after the meeting and say that you enjoyed the meeting. Get a time frame of when you’ll hear about your acceptance or rejection.

You may meet and decide this is not the coven for you. It didn’t click, the people were flaky, whatever. If it doesn’t seem like this group is right for you, contact the group and say so. You don’t have to give a specific reason. “It didn’t work for me, thanks for your time, I wish you well.” Thank them for their time, just like you would after a job interview.

Be prepared for the idea that the coven may reject you. They may not give a specific reason. If they do, contact them through email or writing and thank them for considering you.

If you can’t find a coven, some people contemplate starting their own groups. Before you do so, please read Amber K’s Coven Craft. This is a thorough book that walks you through the steps of coven formation, creating coven bylaws, establishing coven practices, finding a coven site, etc. Starting a group is an incredible amount of work, and prep work is vital in making a success of it. Remember, you’ll have to answer applicants' FAQs, like the ones you asked when you first started your search.

If you can’t find a group and starting one of your own doesn’t appeal to you, look for temporary solutions in public groups. Public groups are great for celebrating holidays with others, talking and networking, meeting new people, and they often need volunteers if you want to contribute to the community.

Covens are about finding a place to celebrate the holidays and support each other through our spiritual journeys. Go carefully, be considerate, be safe, and above all, listen to your instincts.

How To Join A Coven, part 2