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Quotes
 

From George A. Romero's Land of the Dead:

Military fathead: Here's your gun.
Charlie: Oh, that's okay. I like the ones I have already.
Military fathead: This fires 14 rounds a second.
Charlie: I don't usually need that many.

Riley: It's easy to make fun of some people. I could make fun of you all day.
 

From Howl's Moving Castle:

Sophie: I'm the worst kind of witch: the kind that cleans!

(A magical message is scorched on the kitchen table.)
Markle: Can you read it, Master Howl?
Howl: To he who swallowed a falling star, your heart shall soon belong to me. That can't be good for the table.
 

Ten Things that Sound Really Nasty in Law, But Really Aren't

1) Think you can get me off?

2) The judge gave her the stiffest one he could.

3) Can you get him to drop his suit?

4) For $200 an hour, she better be good!

5) Better leave the handcuffs on.

6) Is it a penal offense?

7) His attorney withdrew at the last minute

8) Counselor, let's do it in chambers

9) He is one hard judge!

10) Have you looked through her briefs?

 

From actual court documents:

Judge: You're charged with driving a motor vehicle under the influence of alcohol.  How do you plead: guilty or not guilty?

Defendant: I'm guilty as hell.

Judge: Let the record reflect the defendant is guilty as hell.

 

 

"We have a criminal jury system which is superior to any in the world, and its efficiency is only marred by the difficulty of finding twelve men every day who don't know anything and can't read." - Mark Twain

 

 

"When you have no basis for an argument, abuse the plaintiff."  - Cicero

 

 

"I'm lost, I'm angry, and I'm armed." - Mal, Firefly

 

 

"When I kill you, you'll be awake, you'll be facing me, and you'll be armed." - Mal to Simon, Firefly

 

 

"He's summoning the spirits of darkness.  I saw him do this once when a girl dumped him." -- Markl, on Howl's temper tantrum, Howl's Moving Castle

 

 

"I can't believe I brought my real parents to our wedding!" - John Smith, Mr. and Mrs. Smith

 

 

"I like the song.  Get over it."  - John Smith on Air Supply, Mr. and Mrs. Smith

 

Not to know is bad

Not to want to know is worse

Not to hope is unthinkable

Not to love is unforgivable

 

-African proverb

 

"You know, sometimes a man just can't satisfy all of a woman's desires. Which is why God invented dental floss."

-- Susanne Kollrack

 

 

"Those who flee temptation generally leave a forwarding address."

-- Lane Olinghouse

 

 

"I'm a simple man. All I want is enough sleep for two normal men, enough whiskey for three, and enough women for four."

-- Joel Rosenberg, "The Warrior Lives"

 

 

"Whatever you want too much you can't have, so when you really want something, try to want it a little less."

-- Joel Rosenberg, "The Sleeping Dragon"

 

 

"A man cannot be too careful in his choice of enemies."

-- Oscar Wilde

 

 

"History will be kind to me for I intend to write it."

-- Winston Churchill

 

 

"When a man says he had pleasure with a woman he does not mean conversation."

-- Samuel Johnson

 

 

"A dress makes no sense unless it inspires men to want to take it off you."

-- Francoise Sagan

 

 

"I expect Woman will be the last thing civilized by Man."

-- George Meredith

 

 

"Dreams do come true, if we only wish hard enough, You can have anything in life if you will sacrifice everything else for it."

-- Sir James M. Barrie

 

 

"Very few persons, comparatively, know how to Desire with sufficient intensity. They do not know what it is to feel and manifest that intense, eager, longing, craving, insistent, demanding, ravenous Desire which is akin to the persistent, insistent, ardent, overwhelming desire of the drowning man for a breath of air; of the shipwrecked or desert-lost man for a drink of water; of the famished man for bread and meat..."

-- Robert Collier

 

 

"I can do whatever I want -- I'm rich, I'm famous, and I'm bigger than you."

-- Don Johnson

 

 

"Manifest plainness, embrace simplicity, reduce selfishness, have few desires."

-- Lao-Tzu

 

 

"I was taught that everything is attainable if you are prepared to give up, to sacrifice, to get it. Whatever you want to do, you can do it, if you want it badly enough, and I do believe that. I believe that if I wanted to run a mile is four minutes I could do it. I would have to give up everything else in my life, but I could run a mile in four minutes. I believe that if a man wanted to walk on water and was prepared to give up everything else in life, he could do that." ~ Stirling Moss

 

 

"No Vir, the universe is an evil place, but it seems to have a sense of humor about the whole thing."

-- Ambassador Molari, Babylon 5

 

 

Josh: Okay... Uh... (They finish at the coffee machine and begin walking and talking again.) When a vacancy comes up, it's up to the President to fill it, but the party leadership on both sides always, always, always, dictates to the President who he's gonna appoint. One Republican, one Democrat, whoever the leadership says, that's how you keep the peace in Dodge.

Donna: But you're gonna change all that, right? (Donna goes to her desk, Josh stops walking to talk to her.)

Josh: No, but I'm gonna spend most of the week trying.

Donna: (Comes back from her desk and hands Josh some notes.) That's not the right spirit, Josh. You're trying to change the nature of democracy. (She heads back to her desk.)

Josh: You're right. I'm gonna need a bagel. (Heads toward his office.)

--The West Wing

 

 

 

"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes it is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, 'I will try again tomorrow.' "

-- Unknown

 

"If the real world were like television, mankind would become extinct, because half the people would be unwilling to reveal their attraction to the other half."

- Shack on Television Without Pity, regarding romantic entanglements on Firefly

"We return to Inara's shuttle, as she's chatting with Nandi through her video phone. Inara says her problem sounds like something the Serenity crew might help with, though she's not sure how well. Nandi starts, 'If they've got guns and brains at all…' Inara responds, 'They've got guns.' "

-- Shack on Television Without Pity, regarding Firefly

 

A note left behind by a houseguest last summer: "I always think life is a big mission to leave things behind without actually losing anything."
 

 

"If you don't want to stay the night, don't. If you do and I want you to leave, don't take it personally. Don't say you'll call if you know you won't. It's a lie, and it hurts. Don't assume I'm all marriage-minded now that I've seen you naked. Some women get that way; most of us just want to brush our teeth."

--Sars at Tomato Nation

 

[Harrison] Ford has made a brilliant career of playing reluctant knights in ill-fitting armour. Forget saving the damsel; Han Solo and Indiana Jones looked like they barely wanted to get out of bed. They had to be talked into every good deed. Every action, every punch, every thrust into hyperspace or swing across a chasm seem preceded with a huff and a weary "Oh, all right."

--from Fametracker

 

"Dex aie, Rancon, you speak of love as if it's commonplace between husbands and wives.  That's because you're from Aquitaine!  You were nurtured on troubadour poetry and believe that all couples are joined by affection, but you're wrong!  Ask any nobleman in this country if he loves his wife and he won't understand the question! Men "love" God; they marry for expediency--don't you know that?  If they use the word love to a woman, they mean lust, and rarely for their wives."
 

--From The Book of Eleanor: A Novel

 

"Service and gifts and fine clothing and riches

Nourish true love as does water the fishes!"

--From The Book of Eleanor: A Novel

 

"The only power a woman holds over a man--whether he's her husband or not--is his desire for her.  She can either grant her favors as a reward, or withhold them as punishment.  If he feels no desire, she loses control."

--From The Book of Eleanor: A Novel

 

"The most horrible truth is that everything trundles merrily towards hell, and the second most horrible truth is that you're probably pushing them that way by how you lean. But the most hopeful truth is that despite every physical law pulling the universe towards entropy, it still gets there so incredibly slowly, and the second most hopeful truth is that it takes such tiny counter-pressures to save the parts you love."

--Glenn McDonald

 

"Romance is almost, by definition, supposed to be a thing of great speed and spontaneity: a "rush," a "whirlwind" that "sweeps us off our feet" and "carries us away."  But who the fuck has ever really enjoyed being hit by a tornado?  And who the hell can think rationally in the middle of one?

--Susan Jane Gilman, Kiss My Tiara

 

"As a poet once said: 'All who ever lived have died/But not one died of love, nay, nor of a broken heart.' Consequently, you're going to need a gun."

--from The Onion's horoscope 12-7-2000

 

"We really don't have enemies. It's just that some of our best friends are trying to kill us."

--Unknown

 

"In times like these, it helps to recall that there have always been times like these."

--Paul Harvey

 

"A dress makes no sense unless it inspires men to want to take it off you."

--Francoise Sagan

 

"People may or may not say what they mean ... but they always say something designed to get what they want."

-- David Mamet

 

"The big difference between sex for money and sex for free is that sex for money usually costs a lot less."

-- Brendon Behan

 

Lennier begrudgingly tells his old enemy that he seeks wisdom. "You don't come to the dead for wisdom," Morden replies. "My head is still rotting on the end of a Centauri spike."

--From Babylon 5, "The Day of the Dead"

 

"Don't go for the geniuses. They never want to sleep."

--Abbey Bartlet giving Mallory McGarry romantic advice about Sam Seaborn, The West Wing

 

"Sometimes it takes all my resolution and self-control to refrain from butting my head against the wall."

-- Joseph Conrad

 

"Sometimes you meet people that you really like cause they scare the bee-jeevers out of you on some unconscious level."

--Unknown

 

The enemy is anyone who's going to get you killed, no matter which side he's on.

--Joseph Heller

George Bernard Shaw said, "My way of joking is to tell the truth. It's the funniest joke in the world."

 

“Anyone can slay a dragon, he told me, but try waking up every morning and loving the world all over again.  That’s what takes a real hero.” ~Brian Andreas

 

“I don’t really have secrets.  I just forget a lot of stuff.” ~ Brian Andreas